当你走进公园正门,看到一些健身器材,人们三三俩俩的在锻炼身体。延着弯弯曲曲的小路往前走,就会看到镜面一般的游泳池。炎热的夏季,人们到此一游,消除一身的热气。往前走,树木环绕整个公园,树阴下凉亭里,老人们聚在一起,有的在下棋,有的.在打球,还有的在唱歌、跳舞。阵阵凉风吹过来,消除一身的酷暑疲惫。 (静态描写观察有序,很好!牢记:描写景物时,要观察有序+典型事物+词汇+修辞,这样描写事物才会细致生动。)
再往前走还有猴园、游乐场、人工湖。人工湖有许多的小鱼游来游去,当你停留在湖边,伸出手就会引来一群小鱼儿,它们争先恐后的游来,以为有好吃的。周围的小朋友看见鱼儿这吃货的样子都开心的笑了。(补入小鱼争抢鱼食的动态描写为宜,这样文章就会富有画面感,明白?)
走出公园,我还有些舍不得离开,德惠公园真是夏季消暑、纳凉、消除疲惫的好地方!我推荐的地方怎么样啊?(卒章显志结尾+反问结尾,紧扣主题,耐人寻味!)
I’m very happy to receive your letter, and I’m glad to hear that you will go to China to learn Chinese here. I have already found a fiat for you. It is on Fangcao Street, which is not far from Jianxin Chinese School. Bus No.11 can take you there, and it is one stop before the Chinese School. The flat is on the third floor with 3 rooms, one of which is bedroom, the other two are bathroom and kitchen. There are a bed, a sofa, a desk and some chairs in this 25 square-metres small fiat, and the rent is 500 yuan per month. Maybe this fiat is not as good as your wish, but I’ll try my best to meet your needs. If it is not suitable enough, write to me and I will look for another better place.
Hope you will come here soon!
All the best!
Yours,
Li Hua
本文格式正确,意思表述完整,行文流畅自然。作者在写作过程中注意长短句并用,还使用了以‘which,’引导的非限定性定语从句,从而使文章层次分明,富于变化,不愧为考场佳作。
1.词数:100左右:
2.参考词汇:房租Tent(n..
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