Sunny Company
34 Zhongcheng Road
Jinlian Building
Shanghai
September 12, 2001
Sales manager
Elegance Clothing Company
45 West Street, Nanjing
Jiangsu Province
Dear Mr. Chang:
On September 10, our order for 280 women?s cotton sweaters was duly received, but we regret to say that 40 cotton sweaters in white color were seriously soiled.
We had the case investigated immediately, and the result shows the damage was due to improper packing, for which the suppliers are definitely responsible.
Needless to say, we have suffered a great loss from this, as we cannot sell the sweaters in this condition to our customers. We ask you to conduct investigation at your end and reply to us.
Sincerely yours,
Sunny Lee
Manager
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am a student of our university, who often spend my spare time in our library. Generally speaking, our library provides quite good service. However, I still have some suggestions for you to upgrade the quality of your service.
To begin with, I would like you to prolong the open time. In the daytime, most students are having classes. To continue, some books are too old/ are out of date. It would be better if you could replace them with updated materials.
I sincerely hope to have a comfortable library. And I would be highly grateful if you could take my suggestions into consideration.
Yours sincerely,
Li Ming
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to express/air dissatisfaction/disappointment/concern regarding accommodation. I would prefer to move into a single room next semester, as I find the present sharing arrangement inconvenient.
I must explain that the reason for my dissatisfaction is my roommate’s inconsiderate behavior. For one thing, his friends are constantly visiting him; for another, he regularly holds noisy parties.
To solve this problem/surmount this difficulty/improve this situation/crack this hard nut, I hope to draw the attention of the authorities concerned. I am sure you will agree that the only solution for me is to move into a room of my own. Therefore, I would be grateful if you could find a single room for me, preferably not in the same building but as near to the college campus as possible.
Yours sincerely,
Li Ming
尊敬的先生或女士:
我写信是为了表达关于住宿的不满。由于我发现目前的居住状况很不方便,我想下学期搬到一个单间。
我需要解释的是,我不满的原因是我室友不体谅的行为。首先,他的朋友经常来访。其次,他经常举办一些吵闹的聚会。
为了解决这个问题,我希望引起有关当局的'注意。我相信您也会同意,唯一的解决措施是搬到一个我自己的房间。因此,如果您可以给我找一个最好不在同楼,但离校园越近越好的单间,我将非常感谢。
您真诚的,
李明
Directions:
Some international students are coming to your university. Write them an email in the name of the Students’ union to
1 extend your welcome and
2 provide some suggestions for their campus life here.
Dear Friends,
On behalf of the Students’ Union of Beijing Foreign Studies University, I would like to extend our heartfelt welcome to all of the overseas students from all over the world to study in our university.
It is my great pleasure to propose several practical suggestions to you. In the first place, life in this prestigious university perhaps is not as satisfactory as what you expected. You may be tightly bound by continual classes, excessive homework and exams. In the second place, in spite of all these adversities, you will still enjoy your life in this esteemed institution. All types of extracurricular activities such as sports meets, speech contests, different social gatherings and dancing parties provide ample opportunities to make friends.
All in all, although there are a host of pressure, life in our campus is a worthwhile period in your whole lifetime. Wish you enjoy your life here!
Yours sincerely,
Li Ming
断断续续的读完了《无条件养育》,梳理一下收获和感触,以待下一次的阅读。
一、为何生、养
我们的祖父辈在养育后代的观念中,在“为何生、养”这个问题上,传宗接代、养儿防老的想法应该是主流想法吧(完全不是否定祖父辈们对子女的爱,而是探讨表意识层面能够归纳的想法)。到了我们这一辈,传统思想的影响还是不同程度的有,但是,随着社会老龄化趋势、物质生活的极大丰富,70、80后的父母逐渐思考、面对传宗接代是不是自己必须承担的责任?养儿能不能防老?如果答案是否定或者偏向于否定,那我们又为何生、养?有人为了生活看起来更圆满、更完美;有人为了创造美妙的“爱情结晶”;有人沉醉于孩子纯真无邪的笑容,认为这就是世间的最美好;有人是为了完成这辈子必须要完成的规定动作;还有人从没有想过为何……
可能这个问题还没有来得及想得很明白的时候,我们的孩子们就经由我们的这些期待和理由,在预期中、不预期中到来,并快速成长。
小屁孩儿每天的吃喝睡、屎尿屁、感冒咳嗽拉肚子,小小读书郎每天的家庭作业、奥数英语、琴棋书画体育艺术的各种兴趣,青春期少年的情绪起伏、言语顶撞、不爱上课爱早恋、对父母的不以为然……接踵而来。而作为父母的我们,就这样在埋头苦干中,生生把曾经憧憬的“温馨、和谐、美满”的'美好画面,演绎成了“向前、向上、克服困难、不畏艰险”的战斗场景。
扯太远了。我们付出那么多,为了个啥?为了爱,希望对孩子的引领和托举,能让他或她在我们之上走得更好,过得更好。
艾尔菲.科恩说:“父母给孩子的爱,不需要任何意义上的回报,它只是一个礼物,是所有孩子应该得到的礼物。”我们生下了孩子,只是给了他/她生命,把他/她放在了生命旅程的入口,我们还要用爱护持这他走向成熟。
二、什么是爱
父母对孩子的爱,如何表现呢?
给他最好的。
吃穿温饱,已经不是现在的父母担心的问题了,在力所能及的范围内选最有营养、最健康、最安全的。
发展兴趣爱好,只要是娃感兴趣的,或者我们想娃感兴趣的,都上。吹拉弹唱、琴棋书画、主持、表演、体育、艺术……技多不压身呀!
带娃旅游,走出家门,野外的、省外的、国外的……读万卷书行万里路啊!
最重要的学习成绩,焦点中的焦点。为了提高学习成绩,能想的办法我们都上,只有想不到没有做不到。期中期末出成绩,家长的心情指数以分数的高低为绝对参照,小升初、中考、高考,我滴神……想想都怕怕呀!
满满的爱啊,我们的责任多么的重大,唯恐有半点懈怠耽误了孩子的成长。加之社会新闻中经常曝光的极端事件,甲学生的跳楼、乙学生厌学、丙学生殴打老师……随着孩子年龄的增长,亲子关系中的冲突,我们又开始质疑、开始反思自己的教养方式。
虽然我们丝毫不质疑对孩子的爱,但值得反思的是:我们自认为付出的是爱,那孩子收到的是不是爱?我们自认为给予孩子的是支持、是激励,那孩子翻译理解的是不是支持激励?我们想指引孩子要走的那条路,是不是孩子自己想要选择的路?
在这本书里,科恩花了大量的笔墨从各个方面阐述什么是“有条件的爱”,甚至是大家习以为常的表扬也没能幸免于难,而是被批驳得体无完肤,读书笔记.因为表扬也是控制手段。科恩还详细分析了养育为什么不能以培养孩子“听话”为目的,被迫“听话”的孩子会出现什么样的心理问题,付出什么样的人生代价。
总的来说,科恩的观点是:有条件的爱着眼于立竿见影、让孩子乖乖受我们的控制,但会给他们今后的生活造成很多问题,而无条件的爱则着眼长远,赋予孩子安全感,力图让孩子充满爱心地成长为独立、自信、品行端正、敢于担当的人。
三、什么是无条件养育
书中,科恩首先邀请父母来看有一个根源的问题“我们想孩子成为一个什么样的人?”根源就是方向。根源找到了,方向也就逐渐清晰起来。人无远虑必有近忧。当我们想好了我们要去到的目的地,并坚定向着这个方向迈进,途中的艰难困苦或许就不那么容易让我们迷茫和焦虑。
无条件养育的心理学理论基础是人本主义,以人为本,以孩子为本,看到孩子这个人的存在,看到他或她的感受和需求,才能陪伴他或她更好的地长成他或她自己。
(一)无条件的爱:因为孩子本身而不附加任何条件的接受和爱他们。反思我们对孩子的言行是否会被孩子解读成了有条件的爱“你只有……我才是爱你的。”
保持对孩子的关注。当无条件的爱和真诚的热情永远在场时,“干得好”是多余的,当他们缺席时,“干得好”则根本无效。当我们觉得该说些什么的时候,可以简单的说出我们所看到的,并允许孩子自己决定如何去感觉,而不是告诉他们如何去感觉。
帮助孩子获得成功的最有效(且破坏性最小)的办法就是尽可能地帮助他爱上他正在做的事,不那么关注他获得了(或可能获得)多大的成功,帮助他对任务本身抱以更多的兴趣。
(二)让孩子选择
我们都有一个基本需求,即做我们生活的“主宰”,而不是“小卒”,经历自主感很重要。自主感的长期受挫会让人恼怒,沮丧甚至是生病。
人生道路需要做抉择的时候太多,我们多希望他能够在选择面前游刃有余。“孩子学习做正确决定的方式就是通过做决定,而不是遵循安排。”
高明的家长会从倾听开始,与孩子保持高度互动的同时,积极主动的支持孩子发展自己做决定的能力,丰富他们的自主感,与他们共同思考如何协商以找到解决问题的具体办法。这个过程,会为孩子社交、道德和心智发展带来巨大的好处。
(三)透过孩子的视角
走出自己的视角,思考别人眼里的世界是什么样的,这是人类最不同寻常的能力之一。帮助孩子提高换位思考的能力,就帮助孩子打开了理解他人、理解世界的窗户。
同样,作为家长要想孩子能够换位思考,首先,我们要能从孩子的角度看待事情。把孩子看做是独一无二的、拥有独立观点的个体。换到孩子的位子上来思考:一能帮助我们看到事情的真相;二能让我们面对孩子的情绪是更有耐心;三是树立榜样。
当然,理论总是能够把事情描述得看起来很简单。实际操作却困难重重。我们最不容易换位思考的时候却是最需要我们做换位思考。
经由孩子的养育,我们更多地看清自己,理解自己、成长自己,互为馈赠--或许是最美好、最温情的画面。
用科恩为父母们总结出一个简单而有力的原则结尾,即时时问自己:我对孩子的所作所为,是否可能与我的需要、我的恐惧和我的成长经历有关,而无关乎他们真正的兴趣和需要。
To Whom It May Concern,
I am a student in this university who regularly comes to the library to spend my spare time. Generally speaking, the services you offer here is quite good; however, I have some suggestions for you to adopt.
To begin with, will you please prolong the time for reading? In the daytime, most of the students are having class, so they can’t come to the library. Moreover, some of the books on shelves are out of date. If you are so kind as to provide us some books such as the latest magazines, we will be greatly honored.
I really wish to have a more comfortable library. I would like to extend my greatest appreciation if you are so kind to take my suggestions into consideration. /Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely yours,
Li Ming
Directions:
Restrictions on the use of plastic bags have not been so successful in some regions. “White Pollution” is still going on. Write a letter to the editor(s of your local newspaper to
1 give your opinions briefly, and
2 make two or three suggestions.
Dear Editor,
I have been reading your newspaper for many years with a great enthusiasm and interest. It is my honor to write you this letter to give my views on the issue of “White Pollution”. It is my view that the limitation of the use of disposable plastic bags is of utmost significance.
I would like to make the following suggestions to put an effective stop to the wide spread of “White Pollution”. Firstly, we should ban the free use of the plastic bags. Secondly, the price of plastic bags should be further raised. Thirdly, media like your newspaper should do more to encourage the public to use paper or clothing bags to replace the plastic bags.
I hope my suggestions would be of help and thank you for your attention.
Yours sincerely,
Li Ming
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