爆笑笑话故事作文英语【一】
Mouse and Cat in Partnership
英汉对照
A certain cat had made the acquaintance of a mouse, and had said so much to her about the great love and friendship she felt for her, that at length the mouse agreed that they should live and keep house together. But we must make a provision for winter, or else we shall suffer from hunger, said the cat, and you, little mouse, cannot venture everywhere, or you will be caught in a trap some day. The good advice was followed, and a pot of fat was bought, but they did not know where to put it. At length, after much consideration, the cat said, I know no place where it will be better stored up than in the church, for no one dares take anything away from there. We will set it beneath the altar, and not touch it until we are really in need of it. So the pot was placed in safety, but it was not long before the cat had a great yearning for it, and said to the mouse, I want to tell you something, little mouse, my cousin has brought a little son into the world, and has asked me to be godmother, he is white with brown spots, and I am to hold him over the font at the christening. Let me go out to-day, and you look after the house by yourself. Yes, yes, answered the mouse, by all means go, and if you get anything very good to eat, think of me, I should like a drop of sweet red christening wine myself. All this, however, was untrue, the cat had no cousin, and had not been asked to be godmother. She went straight to the church, stole to the pot of fat, began to lick at it, and licked the top of the fat off. Then she took a walk upon the roofs of the town, looked out for opportunities, and then stretched herself in the sun, and licked her lips whenever she thought of the pot of fat, and not until it was evening did she return home. Well, here you are again, said the mouse, no doubt you have had a merry day. All went off well, answered the cat. What name did they give the child. Top off, said the cat quite coolly. Top off, cried the mouse, that is a very odd and uncommon name, is it a usual one in your family. What does that matter, said the cat, it is no worse than crumb-stealer, as your God-children are called.
Before long the cat was seized by another fit of yearning. She said to the mouse, you must do me a favor, and once more manage the house for a day alone. I am again asked to be godmother, and, as the child has a white ring round its neck, I cannot refuse. The good mouse consented, but the cat crept behind the town walls to the church, and devoured half the pot of fat. Nothing ever seems so good as what one keeps to oneself, said she, and was quite satisfied with her days work. When she went home the mouse inquired, and what was this child christened. Half-done, answered the cat. Half-done. What are you saying. I never heard the name in my life, Ill wager anything it is not in the calendar.
The cats mouth soon began to water for some more licking. All good things go in threes, said she, I am asked to stand godmother again. The child is quite black, only it has white paws, but with that exception, it has not a single white hair on its whole body, this only happens once every few years, you will let me go, wont you. Top-off. Half-done, answered the mouse, they are such odd names, they make me very thoughtful. You sit at home, said the cat, in your dark-gray fur coat and long tail, and are filled with fancies, thats because you do not go out in the daytime. During the cats absence the mouse cleaned the house, and put it in order but the greedy cat entirely emptied the pot of fat. When everything is eaten up one has some peace, said she to herself, and well filled and fat she did not return home till night. The mouse at once asked what name had been given to the third child. It will not please you more than the others, said the cat. He is called all-gone. All-gone, cried the mouse, that is the most suspicious name of all. I have never seen it in print. All-gone, what can that mean, and she shook her head, curled herself up, and lay down to sleep.
From this time forth no one invited the cat to be godmother, but when the winter had come and there was no longer anything to be found outside, the mouse thought of their provision, and said, come cat, we will go to our pot of fat which we have stored up for ourselves - we shall enjoy that. Yes, answered the cat, you will enjoy it as much as you would enjoy sticking that dainty tongue of yours out of the window. They set out on their way, but when they arrived, the pot of fat certainly was still in its place, but it was empty. Alas, said the mouse, now I see what has happened, now it comes to light. You are a true friend. You have devoured all when you were standing godmother. First top off then half done, then -. Will you hold your tongue, cried the cat, one word more and I will eat you too. All gone was already on the poor mouses lips, scarcely had she spoken it before the cat sprang on her, seized her, and swallowed her down. Verily, that is the way of the world.
有一只猫认识了一只老鼠，便对它大谈特谈自己是多么喜欢老鼠，原意和它交朋友，弄得老鼠终于同意和猫住在一起，共同生活。“我们得准备过冬的东西了，不然我们到冬天会挨饿的，”猫说，“至于你嘛，我的小老鼠，哪里也不要去，我真怕你会被什么老鼠夹子夹住。”老鼠接受了猫的好建议，于是它们买来了一罐猪油，然而两个人都不知道该把猪油放在什么地方。它们左思考右思考，最后猫说：“我觉得这猪油放在教堂里是再合适不过的了，因为谁也不敢偷教堂里的东西。我们把猪油藏在祭坛下，不到万不得已的时候决不动它。”猪油罐就这样被放到了安全的地方。可是没过多久，猫开始想吃猪油了，便对老鼠说：“小老鼠，我想跟你说点事。我的表姐刚刚生了一个小宝宝，还请我当小宝贝的教母。那小宝贝全身雪白，带着一些褐色的斑点。我要抱着它去接受洗礼，所以今天要出去一下，你一个人在家看家，好吗？”“好的，好的，”老鼠说，“你尽管去吧。要是有什么好吃的东西，千万要记着我。我很想尝一点洗礼时用的红葡萄酒。”这一切当然都不是真的，因为猫并没有表姐，也没有被请去当教母。它直接去了教堂，偷偷爬到猪油罐那里，开始舔呀舔，把顶上一层猪油舔得精光。然后，它在城里的屋顶上散了散步，想碰碰别的运气；接着便躺下来晒太阳。每当想起那罐猪油，它都情不自禁地舔舔自己的嘴唇。它一直等到天黑才回家。“啊，你终于回来了，”老鼠说，“这一天肯定过得很开心吧？”“一切顺利。”猫答道。“你们给那孩子起了什么名字？”“没了顶层！”猫冷淡地说。“没了顶层！”老鼠叫了起来，“这个古怪的名字可不多见。你们家常取这样的名字吗？”“那有什么？”猫说,“不比你的那些教子叫什么偷面包屑的更糟吧？”
没过多久，猫又想吃猪油了。它对老鼠说：“你得帮我一个忙，再一个人看一次家。又有人请我当教母了，而且这个孩子的脖子上有一道白圈，我实在无法推辞。”好心的老鼠同意了。猫从城墙后面溜进教堂，一口气吃掉了半罐猪油。“什么东西也没有比吃到自己的嘴里更好，”它说，心里对这一天的收获感到很满意。等它到家时，老鼠问道：“这个孩子起的什么名字呀？”“吃了一半，”猫回答。“吃了一半！你在说什么呀？我长这么大了还从来没有听说过这样的名字。我敢打赌，就是年历上也不会有这样的名字！”
不久，猫的嘴巴又开始流口水了，想再去舔一舔猪油。“好事成三嘛，”它说，“又有人请我去当教母了。这个孩子除了爪子是白色的，浑身黑黝黝的，连一根白毛都没有。这是好几年才会碰上的事情，你当然会同意我去的，是吗？”“没了顶层！吃了一半！”老鼠回答，“这些名字真怪！我实在弄不明白。”“你白天又不出门，”猫说，“整天穿着深灰色的皮袄，拖着长长的尾巴，坐在家里胡思乱想，当然弄不明白啦！”趁着猫不在家，老鼠把屋子打扫了一下，把东西放得整整齐齐。可是那只馋猫把剩下的猪油吃得干干净净。“人只有把东西吃得干干净净才能放心，”它自言自语地说。它吃得饱饱的，直到天黑了才挺着圆圆的肚子回家。老鼠看到它回来，立刻问它这第三个孩子起的什么名字。“你也不会喜欢这个名字，”猫说，“它叫吃得精光。”“吃得精光！”老鼠叫了起来，“这个名字太令人费解了！我从来没有在书上见过。吃得精光！这是什么意思呢？”它摇摇头，蜷缩起身子，躺下睡着了。
从此，猫再也没有被邀请去当教母。可是冬天来到了，外面再也找不到任何吃的东西。老鼠想到了它们准备的过冬的东西，便说：“走吧，猫！我们去取储存的猪油吧。我们可以美美吃上一顿。”“是的，”猫回答，“那准会把你美得就像把你那尖尖的舌头伸到窗外去喝西北风一样。”它们动身去教堂，可它们到达那里后，看到猪油罐倒是还在那里，里面却是空的。“天哪！”老鼠说，“我现在终于明白是怎么回事了！你可真是个好朋友！你在去当什么教母的时候，把这猪油全吃光了！先是吃了顶上一层，然后吃了一半，最后……”“你给我住嘴！”猫嚷道，“你要是再罗嗦，我连你也吃了！”“……吃得精光，”可怜的老鼠脱口而出。它刚把话说完，猫就扑到了它的身上，抓住它，把它吞进了肚子。这世界就是这样！
New Words and Expressions 生词和词组
1. acquaintance n. 认识
2. provision n. 准备，供应品
3. yearning n. 渴望，怀念
4. consent v. 同意，许可
5. calendar n. 日历，日程表
6. suspicious a. 可疑的，令人费解的
7. curl up 卷起
8. dainty a. 优美的，讲究的
9. verily ad. 真正的，真实的
爆笑笑话故事作文英语【二】
伊索寓言：风和太阳（The wind and the sun）
The wind and the sun were disputing who was the stronger.
Suddenly they saw a traveler coming down the road. The sun said, "Whoever can make the traveler take off his coat will be the stronger."
So the sun hid behind a cloud, and the wind began to blow as hard as it could. As the wind blew harder, the traveler wrapped his coat more closely around himself.
Then the sun came out. He shone on the traveler. The traveler soon felt quite hot, and took off his coat.
爆笑笑话故事作文英语【三】
《不许动》是由杨林执导，赵亮、矢野浩二等主演的.中国内地抗战、喜剧电影。故事主要讲述的是，一群川军抗日战士，在战山东台儿庄战役中被日本兵打散后，来到山东临沂某山村，和山东当地一群孩子巧奔妙夺，共同打击日本鬼子的故事。
《不许动》被誉为潘长江等主演的喜剧电影《举起手来》的姐妹篇。影片笑料成串，讥讽戏弄日本鬼子。电影中有众多的四川喜剧元素。有巴蜀笑星扮演川剧变脸夜吓日本鬼子，有川军厨师用麻辣烫串串香辣得鬼子哇哇叫的搞笑场面。
爆笑笑话故事作文英语【四】
【纸质书籍out，电子产品上位!突然想读《红楼梦》，拿起手机，搜索书名，手指轻轻滑动，细细品味起来……
我有一部华为揽阅M2青春版平板手机，它兼具了手机的便携通话功能和平板的大屏畅爽，非常棒。
它是我生日时父亲送给我的。它的阅读模式比纸质书还赞，有滤蓝光护眼的功能，加上7英寸大屏，阅读很轻松。有了华为揽阅M2青春版，我就像随身带着一个大型图书馆，哈哈。超长续航能力，看一天书籍电量依然坚挺。
我最爱的是它的指纹功能，阅读更有私密性了。学习累了，还可以看看自己喜欢的小说、散文。不用担心被父母发现挨训了。这样的高中时代，才算得上是青春，嘿嘿。
华为揽阅M2青春版的时尚外观也大大满足了我的虚荣心，活力十足，走哪都很引人注目。7寸大屏看电影、追剧、看球赛都是超爽。这不，室友们都把它当IMAX移动放映室了。周末看一天，电量很够用!
……我想说华为揽阅M2青春版就是我的青春阅读，读属于我的青春。】
点评：
这位天津卷考生无疑是X为产品经理上身，要不就是X为小编的恶搞之作，整体广告指数5颗星，弄得我也想买一台回去用了。
同样是灾区全国1卷，大家来感受下咆哮级的分量!
【洗发篇】
为何学习好只有六根头发
学习差却乌黑浓密好头发
这深渊的背后
究竟是人性的扭曲
还是道德的沦丧
是洗发水广告的无缝植入
还是院私相授受
这一切的背后
到底折射了什么洗发水
敬请关注高考作文点评
——《我该用什么洗发水》
【红唇女友篇】
今年的高考作文说明主人公的女朋友喜欢的口红色号是100号和61号。这则漫画告诉我们，给女朋友买口红不要买错色号。
哦漏，和其它几篇零分作文比起来，X为小编明显还是太嫩啊。信息量太少，必须零分!
爆笑笑话故事作文英语【五】
住在森林里的`乌鸦常常受到鸟类的嘲弄。有的说它长得丑，一身黑羽毛太难看；有的说它的叫声太难听，只会哇哇叫个不停；有的说它贪婪霸道，经常争抢别人的食物。对此，乌鸦并不想辩解什么。
终于有一天，乌鸦又与八哥、喜鹊、苍鹰在一棵树上相遇了。
八哥首先用刚学会了的人话对喜鹊和苍鹰说：“你们瞧，哪个人不注意，又落下了一块煤碳，这不，冬天也快到了，天气也凉了，咱们是搬回去烧了暖暖身子，还是给人送回去呢？”
“哎哟，我的视力5.2还看错了，原来是乌鸦呀！”喜鹊和苍鹰听了顿时都哈哈大笑起来。
乌鸦再也忍无可忍了生气的反驳道：“你就会骂人，还有什么本事”？
“我的本事可多了呀”八哥又用人类语言得意地说：“我会模仿很多动物的语言，还可以学人类说话，哄人类开心，你能吗？”刚说完，又学着乌鸦“哇哇”地叫了几声。
乌鸦辩解道：“我是不能，但你有自己的语言吗？你只不过是一个可以模仿别人说话的傀儡罢了。八哥顿时被说的哑口无言。
喜鹊开口了，“好好好，你什么都好，你就是再有个性，你也是灾难的代表。而我呢，有一身漂亮的羽毛，不仅叫声好听，还代表着吉祥，我的本事大吧？”
“本事大？你偷吃粮食是本事吗？你祸害庄家也是本事吗？”乌鸦生气地反驳道。喜鹊也被乌鸦的反驳戳中要点。
最后，一向沉默寡言的苍鹰也发话了：“乌鸦，你别得意，你知道什么叫真正的本领大吗？
“什么？不知道。”
“哈哈，我搏击长空，俯视大地，万物在我脚下。我是草原人民的象征，强壮的代表。”
“那你还有其他优点吗？你阴狠毒辣，霸道，和别人抢食，伤害同类，而我们乌鸦是反哺动物，孝顺。你能比得了吗？”
苍鹰也认识到了自己的错误，与同伴们一起向乌鸦认错。乌鸦说：“看自己不要只看长处，应该多看看短处，这样才能使自己进步。”
这件事传播开来以后，再也没有鸟笑话乌鸦了。
爆笑笑话故事作文英语【六】
《不许动》讲述的是一群川军抗日战士，在战山东台儿庄战役中被日本兵打散后，来到山东临沂某山村，和山东当地一群孩子巧奔妙夺，共同打击日本鬼子的故事。
《不许动》被誉为潘长江等主演的喜剧电影《举起手来》的姐妹篇。影片笑料成串，讥讽戏弄日本鬼子。电影中有众多的四川喜剧元素。有巴蜀笑星扮演川剧变脸夜吓日本鬼子，有川军厨师用麻辣烫串串香辣得鬼子哇哇叫的搞笑场面。赵亮则扮演川军重要搞笑角色，日本明星矢野浩二扮演日军少佐，他将与赵亮大演对手戏。
《不许动》除主片场景在山东临沂拍摄外，还将在建川博物馆内多处取景。同时，建川博物馆馆长樊建川应邀与他的孙女樊鲜花共同在电影中扮演重要角色。
爆笑笑话故事作文英语【七】
一部由四川本土著名笑星赵亮和日本明星矢野浩二以及多位四川巴蜀笑星联袂主演的抗战大戏《不许动》，在大邑县安仁镇建川博物馆壮士广场举行了开机仪式。
该片总制片人赵严，导演杨林、出品人杨睿敏，建川博物馆有关负责人，率杜珏、卓玛、陈吉彬、罗二娃等20多位演员亮相。一直在北京拍片的川籍笑星赵亮说：“今年中国电影市场非常红火，四川本土电影也要趁热打铁，不能落后。
我和矢野浩二会努力拍戏。不会拍成神剧，雷人戏。一定要拍得真实精彩搞笑，把川军抗日的精神拍出来，拍成令人开怀大笑的好电影!相信《不许动》票房一定会在全国大卖!”
